I liked the idea of recursivity from class, so I'm going recursive on your face. Yes, your face specifically, and I apologize if it gets messy, but I'll be honest: it might get messy, which is why I'm using your face and not my own. I'll grab some phrases from pieces of things I've written in my Queen of Hearts chick journal, and recurse them until they die.
Tha' Phrases From Which I will Choose:
[1]
"Concomitant Marginalization of Women."
[2]
"Warmed troughs are like moored thought."
[3]
"Humming birds want to have a proboscis more than I want to be dead."
[4]
"Flocks of ibis on old tractors in cleared fields sliding into sawgrass"
[5]
"Horse pills for a non horse."
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. It is also time to make something. I've been making lots of poems lately, putting a lot of hard work into it, and I think I just want to take a few crazy phrases and rearrange them until they break. Just for fun, because this kind of exercise is right up my alley and the gods all know I need to rest.
By: David the Mathis: Queen of Hearts
Hummingbirds want to have a proboscis more than I want to be dead, and I want to be dead a lot less than I want hummingbirds to have proboscises, because the proboscis would make eating anything much like taking horse pills for non-horses, because most non-horses have smaller than horse-sized openings for taking pills and I can see where that would make me want to be dead. Dead like flocks of ibis on old tractors in cleared fields sliding into sawgrass because sawgrass sticks into the air like a proboscis, sucking all those hummingbirds down like horse pills, except sawgrass is a non-horse and the tractors warm troughs which are like moored thought, thoughtfully mooring the hummingbirds to tractors in cleared fields that slide into sawgrass of proboscis horsepills in flocks of dead hummingbirds who only wanted to have a proboscises and the concomitant marginalization of women. Women marginalize tractors concomitantly in the warm thoughts of a moored trough flanked with flocks of ibis on tractors in cleared fields sliding into dead sawgrass, sucked by hummingbird proboscises full of horsepills and horses and the bald ibis which is different from the ibis, which is different from the crested ibis which doesn't have a proboscis but wants to be dead more than a hummingbird wants to have a proboscis that sucks flocks of tractors warming troughs in a moored woman marginalized concomitantly with horse pills eaten by flocks of the non-horse ibis which differs from the bald ibis in many features, primarily in the area of the proboscis.
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P.S. I just typed the word "proboscis" so much that it neither looks or sounds like a word anymore, which is why I stopped.
Your big ol' blocks of text are so intimidating. Especially when the entire thing loops upon itself so much, it is incredibly easy to get lost in and I had to reread certain lines a few times to regain where I use to be.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm getting from you is that you like to rant, and I think you're right, the recursive method is right up your alley. I also believe that for a lot of your works you have this same pattern of going off at full-speed without stopping. Granted, I say "a lot" and not "all" because I have read a few things from you that demonstrate a successful manipulation of flatter language and I think you have some talent in manipulating tone. Your work about the sex Q&A and rape victims really worked well with this language. But when it comes to something like the recursive method this particular piece tends to come off as lyrically elevated, and I wish you would implement some of that lesser tone.
The reason I say this is because in this particular piece, it is a huge block of text. With recursive, I feel like ideas run together and as a result the period almost seems null and void in this situation. So you have a huge block of always going text and as a reader I feel like the speaker of this work is nearly shouting at me. What's more, I think while reeling in on these things, you might want to consider how many ideas you are packing into one sentence. I'm impressed you managed to reuse so few ideas so many times, but it is difficult as a reader to keep track of all the reoccurences when there are three or four of them per line.
My best advice is consider shorter sentences. Not necessarily write this entire thing in shorter sentences. I think that would disturb some of the twisting intrigue you have here. But consider giving your readers a mental break. Give them something short and digestible in between all the commas.
I hope you don't find this as a personal criticism. I am simply trying to make a judgement off of what you have given me thus far and what you have here. As I always say, I hope you find some help in this.