MOAR REVIEW!

This is even moar review times...
THE REVIEWER PT2! RETURN OF THE REVIEWER!!
This time, Imma' take a look at QUEENIE!

SLEEPING IN CEMETERIES
The city is a cocoon spewing maggots
Light forces on eyes like rape
Hidden, Hiding, tiny plots of land
Dandelions blossom underneath Magnolia buds
No one can hug you like damp crab grass
No one can kiss you like marble tombs on cheeks

Ants marched in a single file line towards eyeball, towards
Clit, towards flesh
Nudging off everything that made you human,
And carry it on their back
Piece by piece.
Ambulance cries, dirt on skies,
Make camp in between thighs
Of deep fried chicken
Found in garbage cans.

Warmth is found in candle sticks
Soup in desperate dicks
Suffer under sticks,
Old milks Haggard chicks Cop-tricks
And Deer ticks.
They cry because you are gone and kiss
The tiny saliva bubbles on your lips.
Tired smiles, from me, because you are here,
Six feet under
They hucked a loogie on you.
But you told me I am pretty
And I need a place to stay.
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What I liked: I think you're one of the few people who can completely ignore tense and subject-verb agreement rules and still not bother me with it, so I give you props for having some inherent gift in that area. I like you because you just put shit down, and it doesn't matter if it hits the fan, or if it flies--you're just here to put language down in an interesting way, and I can completely get behind that. I love the second stanza. It rhymes, and it changes tense, and I love it. Love the move with making camp between thighs, but then you enjamb it with "of chicken" and it's completely unexpected. I love you for "nobody can kiss you like marble tombs on cheeks."

Improvements: I have no idea what the third stanza is--cool that you don't shy away from the word "dick" and as a matter of fact, I kind of think it's awesome how much cussing you put in your work--not because I like cussing (which I do), but because nobody else has been quite as verbose with their language. I think you should probably tone it back a bit since I think they're supposed to have earth-rippling effect. I also think that not everybody will be as alright with your tense changing as I am here, so I would lock down a tense. It's rather confusing as is.

All Together: Love the moves you make with little phrases, and I think the second stanza is the best out of the poem. While the rest isn't completely bad, I would consider taking the second stanza and saving it. Never know where it might fit into another poem somewhere. Write it down, tweak it, and use it again later. Cutting up drafts like they're someone esle's drapes and then using them to make a dress later is part of the joy of being a poet. Now, go fuck some shit up because you're the man!