Depending on when the blog says this posts is the main determinant in what week this falls under. I am going to try to get more freewrites this upcoming week. Regardless, we did this cool exercise about writing an angry passage in class today/yesterday depending on how long you've been awake, and I found that I was able to write something that I actually rather like. This is what I rather like, extended and merged with an idle writing I found in my QUEEN OF HEARTS journal.
Ballpark Sheep
By: David Mathis--Queen of Hearts
Crunch your mind cage with a cudgel--dash the meat
Across dirt-caked stone. Harsh, like hail on linens.
And this is my life--more unique than the life and times of Andy Dick,
Stouter than Guiness--too much in fact, and drunk while flickering street lights blink past.
Down those roads that in the night look sinister, but in the day look inviting,
Like the time I got carjacked somewhere on King Street.
Like the time you and I fucked in a parking lot but nobody saw us and the air was cold
when we left the car.
But then I get home.
Trashed floor, trashed desk.
papers everywhere.
My dog robs chairs of their virginity with her rotting teeth.
A statistician seized her insides a bit ago with too many numbers to crunch,
too many boxes to check--canine overrun with flitting numbers.
She died and was born again in the left ventricle of Mandelbrot's loins.
It's luscious like the plastic lips of a hula girl or,
Abhorrent in the way that bathing in a pool of contraceptive will permutate flesh or,
fleeting like a crocodile bite, assuming the fourth postulate of geometry applies and the month is January or,
Stout like Guiness crunching a bone cage with carjacked teeth rotting out of a dog's head.
Stop twisting so that this letter opener can properly perforate your neck.
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Yeah, so... this was a bit different for you. And perhaps for me too. I liked it though. Felt nice to just write language and shit. The only strange place for me was using the word "Fuck" in a poem, which is something I never do. I sometimes put it in dialogue, and as much as I swear outside of writing, I don't put it in my writing a whole lot. I just thought it fit here. Needed a good, short, harsh word. Such as FUCK.
I like the direction this poem is going in David. I like the flow of tension in the first 3 stanzas, using the alliteration to open up the poem was nice even if it was vague or nonsensical it does sound nice. The third stanza, as short as it is, held a lot of climactic power. Short, to the point, after describing what was going on in the second stanza. The fourth and fifth stanza however seem to be packed with a lot of language that is bumping heads. Specifically the line - "Abhorrent in the way that bathing in a pool of contraceptive will permutate flesh or." That's a lot to say without really making the point, or to me it wasn't made. I like the language, it is just a lot of it. I did like how you ended the poem though, 'properly perforate' - great. You're use of 'fuck' wasn't out of place... I'm still wary of using it, just as I was wary of using hyphens. I got passed that, who knows maybe next week I'll be swearing. Thanks for trailblazing David :P
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