‘Dyslexia at it’s finest’
By: Jami Lynn
Cloning the skin on the skeleton
and the cat-like brown around the dilation
of the square bright light reflected in dyslexia.
Reversed IUAM engraved wooden hazardous waste disposal,
Close friends to the Reversed OROBLRAM box, laced with cyanide and rat poison
that is reached for at least three to four times in an hour, but the flame
between the two is violently forced out every time they touch.
Reversed switch, the indoor wind has stopped blowing and the sun has been flipped off, while
Metallic glitter stands still in lime green fishnet only revealing silhouettes to the neighbors.
Reversed new freckle kissing the nose subtly on the wrong side,
Or is it the right?
It is still a perfect vision through the glaze of dust
That has long been forgotten to be wiped down with blue liquid.
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What I liked: Definitely the words spelled backwards. I did enjoy that quite a bit--it was a nice device, playing off of the idea that the entire poem happens within a mirror. I liked, yet again, the play with the idea of the mirror with "Reversed new freckle kissing the nose subtly on the wrong side, / or is it the right?" It was, in my opinion, a well-constructed pun. It seems to reinforce the mirror idea. Liked the idea with the light switch and the indoor wind.
Improvements: The words are both helpful, and encumbering in some ways--if you were to put a bit more emphasis on the mirror early in the poem, you wouldn't have to put "reversed" in front of the words; instead the reader would know that it was a the image from the mirror. I would like to see you put a bit more investment into the mirror idea if it is going to drive the poem the way it does. In that regard, at the end, you talk about the mirror being wiped with the "blue liquid" but I think that over complicates things a bit. No need to be cryptic about window cleaner. Just say window cleaner, or say that the dust should be wiped off or cleaned off. One last thing is about the light switch/indoor wind. I know I made the suggestion above about not having to put "reversed" into the poem, but you seem to have made it a baseline which also includes the lightswitch--it's cool if you want to keep it, but I would still put more mirror emphasis. I think it would only strengthen the piece As for the glittering fishnets, I assume those are maybe blinds, but I am not actually entirely sure. Seems a little too cryptic for the reader to grasp. I also have no idea what the first part of the poem means. The language is baffling.
All Together: You have a lot of good base material to springboard a strong poem off of--playing with the environment inside a mirror as backwards from the real world--some puns and some nice use of the English language peppered throughout. I think it would be nice to see a bit more emphasis on that mirror world though, because it currently takes a strange background seat and the reader has to infer what is going on. On the other hand though, I didn't realize how subtly awesome the poem was--you never really come right out and say that the event is in a mirror. The only time you really acknowledge that is at the end with the window cleaner. And with that last statement, you could take it either way--more emphasis on the mirror, or make the reader infer. However, whichever you decided to do, I still think that the beginning of the poem throws the reader off and I didn't get my bearings again until the reversed words. Great job so far--I know I gave some conflicting answers, but ultimately you are the one who knows what direction you want to take this. I just tried to give a few ways to go in different ways.
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